Below is my reply to a Thal girl’s questions about how to implement the koans. I won’t post her original email.
I’m usually answering questions from dudes, so this gives me a chance to cover the other side – the traps someone with excess sensitivity falls into.
In her case she was trying too hard to be genuine and connect with people in a deep way, and then getting hurt. My reply:
Thanks for the kind words, I’m glad the koans have helped you.
Re “”soul to soul” connection ”
I think it’s in your sensitive nature to err in this direction. The humility+glossolalia combo I practice as the core of Koanic Soul also creates realism and internal sufficiency. This should permit you to naturally calibrate your openness and connection to the other person. There are also peripheral toughness koans, but they’re less important.
“You can go in with this great intention to really understand and embrace this other person. ”
That is an overlay, a pre-intent, a manipulation, and just as problematic as a PUA’s machiavellian agenda of getting the bang or the insecure male’s agenda of looking cool. You are correct – it will get you hurt.
” it’s the reason I cannot form long lasting friendships with people. ”
The problem seems to be neediness and excess sensitivity, which can be solved by internal sufficiency and pain resilience.
My relationship with God is one of respect, admiration and intent to obey/serve. It is informed by Josh McDowell and aprevistan Kingdom theology, in the Vox Day / Dennis Peacocke style. The glossolalia is a charismatic influence. There is no special component that couldn’t be duplicated by anyone.
I would add that a sufficiently masculine non-Christian concept of the Ultimate would also be serviceable for koanic purposes.
Pain resilience is an excellent defense against excess sensitivity. It’s covered in my “faith of a mustard seed” koan video. Click the link up top: “How to do Koanic Soul“.