Here’s Tex’s version:
About three weeks ago somebody at a job interview asked me if I “was some kind of weirdo or something.”
I told him, “I’m not a weirdo, I’m a Neanderthal. My pedigree was never in question. I’m descended from a one million year old race of hominids who are the most genetically superior race of men that has ever existed. I can plant my foot in a fossil bed in Europe dated at 800,000 years and my foot is a perfect match for that footprint which was made before Snowball Earth, meaning my kind survived in conditions that would have certainly exterminated you and everybody you know. Homo Sapiens is a breed that can barely establish it’s own existence anywhere before 38,000 years and is a short term phenomenon at best. Do you harbor a hatred for the natives on this planet? If you do, I guess we won’t be working together. I would only recommend hiring somebody like me if you are tired of listening to your own kind tell you whatever they think you want to hear … and you have decided you are desperate enough to resort to hiring someone competent.”
Think I blew the interview, right? They called security and had me thrown out of the building?
Nope. They apologized profusely. One guy said he had a cousin with autism and was not prejudiced against autistic people. I corrected him by telling him I was not autistic or pathological in any way according to recent CT scans of human brains in the UK. I was a Neanderthal. I told them that if they thought that was a bad thing then we shouldn’t waste each other’s time. Their manager apologized again and said it was an inappropriate comment to make to me at the interview and that nothing I had said or done had deserved it.
So I got home and a couple hours later my recruiter called to tell me they offered me the position, but it was too late. I had already signed on somewhere else. That is where I am working now.
Stop appeasement. We’re the natives. They can try to explain to us what in the hell they are doing on our planet, freaky eyes that can’t even adjust to sunlight and fruity spectator sports loving mediocrities sucking up the professions they aren’t even interested in or show any aptitude for. We make sense. We’re the Neanderthals. We don’t have anything to apologize for unless it is being perfectly adapted by one million years of natural selection. They’re the ones that just seem a bit off. We’re Neanderthals but we prefer MR. Neanderthal, Saps. We’re natives of this planet and have a million year tenure that some gang-raping spearchucking locust swarm kill-monkeys pretending to be people can’t put a dent in with a puny 38,000+ year manic streak during the interglacial. Fat lady isn’t singing, Saps, don’t run that victory lap just yet. That’s my advice. Thals, stop appeasing.
When I finish my computer game, I will elaborate. Much further. For now, stop appeasement. It’s not working and that’s why we need to approach the problem another way. Don’t apologize for being different from them – I can’t imagine anything more wonderful than to wake up one morning and discover you are vastly and irreconcilably different from Homo Sapiens. What an honor. Thank God every morning, ‘Thal.
Tex is an uniquely strong Neanderthal phenotypic expressor due to his early bleach-ingestion epigenetic trigger. The exact script above won’t work for most, and certainly not for hybrids such as myself. My Morton’s toe expression is weak to nonexistent. Here’s a response I’m comfortable with:
I’m a Neanderthal separatist. You Homo Sapiens Sapiens genocided my people when you invaded Europe. Where’d you think you got that 100 IQ? Millenia of gang rape. Without us, you’d still be pooping in your drinking water. The genocidal spear-chucking zombie horde is your species’ only accomplishment.
You’d think that genes would be like mixing paint, but actually it’s more like shuffling cards. Every now and then the joker pops to the top. Your kind has always hated mine and always will. If you didn’t need us to keep the lights running, we’d have died out long ago. But we’re finally waking up. We’ll find each other, separate from you, and watch you starve. We’ve been on this planet for a million years; you’ll be lucky to last through the interglacial.
This works because you can be dedicated to Neanderthal separatism without being fully Thal. That I’m also an MT separatist just introduces unnecessarity complexity.