My koans are a response to pain.
My spirit demands absolute work ethic towards the brilliant advancement of Kingdom interests. This demand is a non-negotiable response to the glory of Yahweh. I would rather die than commit the lie of adulterating it.
As a highly intelligent and perceptive individual, I am acutely aware of my every momentary lapse, shortcoming and weakness. Moreover, my mind is constantly racing on the problem of designing the optimal execution path for the advancement of Kingdom interests. This generates both acute emotional pain and severe mental distraction.
That Jesus forgives, that flesh is weak, changes nothing. I cannot lie, hide, or stop. This negatively impacts performance. “Just relax, man,” makes me want to reach out and murder a scumbag hippie with no cognizance of the majesty of the Most High.
I know why the centurion didn’t want to meet Jesus, and I don’t either: Fear. Not fear of punishment, or rejection – those are merely deserved. Fear of the immediate and sure knowledge that one’s life’s utmost striving is failure and dishonor, dereliction and sin. Best to keep that knowledge at a safe distance, lest a man go mad.
Anywho, onwards to the experimental koan.
I call this symbol, “The heart of Koanic.”
The octagon represents an insight from Blindsight, on the subjectivity of our time-sense. It is a mental command to “stop time”. The effort to stop time results in a lengthening of the Now, a greater immersion in the moment. It increases focus.
Naturally, when one is following a productive chain of thought, or immersed in some activity, one’s time-sense diminishes. Time flows quickly, unnoticed. This is fine. I tend to recall the koans to mind when I wish to interrupt and reset my state, typically when some unproductive thought or state has arisen. Thus the octagon interrupts only unproductive states, resetting me to the desired baseline.
Inside the octagon is something that very much resembles a man hanging from a cross with the crossbeam affixed at the top of the pole. Jesus may in fact have been crucified on such a structure, rather than the traditional one with the pole sticking over the crossbeam.
The perpendicular segments form the letter “T”, which also stands for tongues. I practice glossalalia when beneficial. It should not be used all the time; that would be excessively distracting and suppress productive discursive thought.
One can also see the letter “Y”, which stands for Yahweh. The modern Christian tendency to obsess over Jesus, who obsessed over the Father, is a spectacular miscomprehension of the man. The heart of every man should be Yahweh.
I frequently envision this symbol inscribed over my heart, leveraging bioenergetics. The visualization is not particularly small. The exact size is fuzzy, but roughly corresponds to 1-2x the size of the ribcage. It produces a salutory tendency to keep one’s spine straight and heart brave.
So far, all we have is symbols. There is a mantra that goes along with it. The precise form can very – it is the content that counts. The gist goes something like this:
“Gratitude for right action in the moment.”
It’s not really a mantra, more of an attitude. The attitude is gratitude for having the opportunity and actuality of performing a right action in this moment, now.
This is a critical component for achieving the stated purpose of the system. Life is full of mundane chores. Wash the dishes, cook the food, take a shower. Even the greatest projects are primarily an interconnected series of drudgery and filler. It is difficult for me to overcome impatience and results-pressure to focus on such tasks.
This attitude removes outcome dependence from the system. It is results agnostic. The only thing that matters is that I have the privilege of honoring the Creator through a right action now, no matter how small. What more is there than living each heartbeat for God, according to the dictates of conscience, to the limits of my meagre perception? That is enough for me. Thus I wash the dishes in peace and joy.
Edit If task orientation fails during low energy or pre-sleep, switch to breathing as the task.
Edit2: In social circumstances, the task becomes some sort of mammalian emo-currents bullshit.
Also, I added the Lacadaemonian lambda beneath the octagon, as the ultimate symbol of pagan masculine virtue, and the coloration which my conduct should take. Particularly, effacement and brevity. It is a great relief to have a prefab masculine code. Otherwise, one must always wonder.